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Finding myself

I have been reflecting on the last few months of my life. The changes I have made and the things that I have done. Each day I wake to new challenges and new missions that must be met and conquered. I let go of some people that brought me down and tried in vain to explain how and why I have changed to no avail.

After a few hours of crying and praying I now know that I still have to give up more things and leave more people behind. People that are toxic to my soul, destructive to my path and harmful to my heart. 

Why do we feel the need to be so vile and cruel? Why do we tend to rub our good deeds in someone’s face when we don’t get our way? I am FAR from perfect but I work extremely hard to make sure I don’t say “hey, I did this this and this for you.” 

For the last month some people I care for dearly have done some wonderful and AMAZING things for me and my daughter. I am so grateful and always follow up with saying thank you. 

My mind wandered a few nights ago when I was told that I should have been more grateful and that I never say Thank You and that I do “act” like I am grateful for the things that people have done for me. The first thing that popped into my ever analyzing brain was “What more am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to crawl on my hands and knees and kiss the toes of those that have been there for me?” My pride has often prevented me from even asking for help. (Especially, when my mother was ill and no one was around to help) I was always afraid to ask for help because I didn’t want it used against me. It hurts to not be able to do certain things and it is humiliating to ask for help but it needed to be done.

I cried in the arms of those that love me and they know how much it took from me to allow myself to speak up. Some people just come through. 

Am I not thankful enough? I don’t think so. I have discussed this with friends, family and even enemies. Friends and family said No but I took their answers as invalid. 

The most shocking was the answers from my enemies (people that I have cut out of my life, fought with and had some of the worst life experiences with). One told me “You have never been ungrateful, the real problem is that no one tries to see your heart and hear you when you speak. I may not like you but I respect you strength and perseverance. I have never met a stronger woman.” Another said “You’re not ungrateful, your real problem is being around horrible people.”

After reading this and several other replies from people (that went back to hating me *rolls eyes*) I cried something terrible, went for a walk, prayed and then fell asleep. 

I now realize that some people don’t see me for who I am. They see what they want me to be in their life. So as I assess the situations in my life I see myself walking the path of self discovery and self worth. With that said, I don’t allow the actions of others destroy the progress I let is stay behind as an obstacle that I will defeat. Finding myself has never been more exciting……….

 

Find yourself, Love yourself and be at peace with yourself and those who are with you at your lowest with surely be the ones to celebrate with you when you’re at your highest

 

LOVE PEACE AND JOY

Sha-Nay

How to save a LIFE

All it takes is a hug, a smile, a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on. Words are not always needed. I learned that last night when my best friend told me she wanted to end her life. Rushing over to her house, my mind went into overdrive. I thought about her two little girls, her laugh and her smile. I prayed for peace, for God to wrap His arm over her and pour His love on her. 

When I walked into the door she shrieked and hugged me so tight I couldnt breathe……..she cried saying she didnt think I was going to come. I just sat and listened while she talked. Like magic all the pain she was suffering lifted off her body. 

We as Christians tend to think that we have to talk to show love and support when in all reality our very presence and God in our corner can change the lives of those that are lost and trapped by satan. 

We don’t need to be perfect, quote bible verses of give huge lectures about a person’s life to save someone. Yesterday, I saved a Child of God, a woman, mother of 2. She thanked God for His mercy and woke this morning better than the day before. I thank God for His glory and salvation. I went to her let her hug me. Held her and listened. 

Challenge to you readers…………How will YOU save a life today?

LOVE PEACE JOY

Shay

What is this thing called perfection………..?

Welcome to my blog. 

Today I saw peace. I was chosen to glimpse into heaven and see the world for what God had destined it to be. My troubles didn’t matter as I boarded the subway and rode with 50 other bodies. Faces full of pain, lack of sleep and anger. As I listened to Kirk Franklin’s “Today” the dancer in my flared to life. I began to lip-sync and dance in place. Eyes closed I thanked God for His mercy and glory. Unbeknownst to me I was being watched by a woman lucky enough to have grabbed a seat. Our eyes met and she smiled and mouthed “Thank You”.

She left at the next stop and I continued on my way to my destination. God is amazing in His glory. I am far from perfect and I make some terrible mistakes but man oh man does He use me for His glory. See, we never really know what happens to a person. We never know how we truly influence someone. I am not proud of my past or present mistakes BUT I am proud of how I use the outcomes.

A lot of people all over the world get discourage by other Christians because of their past. If a single mother, like me, can put a smile on a strangers face all because I silently gave praise to God in a public place then I wonder what I could do if I opened my mouth.

I will share my stories and experience with all those willing to listen. All I ask for is prayer. “Today, I think I feel the weather change. Think I felt my last drop of rain……….TODAY” Changing for the Glory never felt so good!

Love, Peace and JOY